Misused Scripture: “Defraud Ye Not”
1 Corinthians 7:4–5 (KJV)
4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
These verses are frequently lifted out of context and weaponized—most often for the convenience of men. But let’s be clear: this passage is part of a larger conversation in 1 Corinthians 7 about celibacy, marriage, and mutual responsibility.
Paul is addressing a specific situation in the early church: some believers, even after marriage, were choosing to abstain from sexual intimacy in order to devote themselves to God—essentially trying to live as though they were single or celibate after entering into marriage. Paul is saying: that’s not fair to your spouse.
Context: Holiness ≠ Withholding
In verse 5, “Defraud ye not one the other” is referring to this situation. You can’t marry someone and then unilaterally decide that you’re now going to live as a virgin “for the gospel’s sake.” That would be defrauding—breaking the mutual covenant you made.
This does not mean, as some wrongly preach, that one partner is entitled to demand sex at any time from the other. That is not what Paul is teaching, and to interpret it this way opens the door to marital coercion—or worse.
• Consent is required even within marriage.
• “Defraud ye not” does not mean “submit to demands.”
• Sex is mutual, not mandatory on demand.
Paul Wasn’t Promoting Entitlement
Paul, who was single, is clearly not suggesting that a person is incapable of living without sex. It would be absurd to argue that Paul couldn’t relate to self-control or celibacy—especially since he recommended it in this very chapter for those who had the gift (v.7–8).
The misuse of verse 4 (“the wife hath not power of her own body…”) as a one-sided mandate is not only unbiblical, it’s spiritually abusive. Paul immediately balances that statement with: “likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.”
This is not about one partner demanding ownership—it’s about mutual yielding, rooted in love, respect, and consent.
Abuse in Church Teaching
Sadly, many churches ignore or dismiss the reality of marital rape. Some pastors even mock the idea. To quote one infamous example, Steven Anderson said: “You said yes when you said ‘I do.’” That kind of statement completely distorts the heart of Scripture and enables abuse.
Sex in marriage is not about control—it’s about covenant. It’s not about demand—it’s about mutual giving. And it’s never forced. The moment it is, it’s not biblical marriage. It’s sin.
In Summary:
• 1 Corinthians 7:4–5 is about mutual responsibility, not one-sided authority.
• “Defraud ye not” is a warning against unilaterally withholding intimacy for religious reasons after entering marriage—not a license to demand sex.
• Consent remains essential in marriage.
• Paul is affirming the equal authority of both husband and wife over each other’s bodies—not enabling domination.
• Using this verse to justify coercion, silence abuse, or deny the reality of marital rape is a gross misuse of Scripture.
Let Scripture speak truth—not tradition or twisted power dynamics.
The Ultimate Obligation Sex Message
No one needs sex. Jesus was fully human—indeed, the model of humanity as God intends it—and He never had sex. So either the Holy Spirit is unable to redeem our disordered sexual desires, or some men simply want an excuse not to change.
In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul is addressing married believers who were refusing sex because they believed celibacy made them holier. This follows his correction of another error in chapter 6—a proto-Gnostic body/spirit dualism that some used to justify visiting prostitutes. (In Paul’s world, even many Jewish men didn’t consider sleeping with prostitutes to be adultery.) After this, Paul actually recommends celibacy and clearly sees sexual deprivation as a lesser burden compared to the difficulties of marriage.
To understand his teaching, we need to understand his world. The Torah required women to abstain from sex for 40–80 days after childbirth (Leviticus 12). Men were forbidden to touch their wives during their menstrual periods (Leviticus 15), and intercourse during menstruation was condemned alongside incest, homosexuality, bestiality, and child sacrifice (Leviticus 18). Every sexual act required bathing afterward—a significant burden without modern plumbing. On top of that, most families in the ancient world slept together in a single room, or even in the same bed for warmth and safety. Privacy was scarce, and opportunities for sex were naturally limited. Put all of this together, and “regular” marital intimacy in Paul’s context was probably only a few times a month at best.
So if we read “do not deprive one another” as a command for sex on demand, then we make Paul contradict both his own words and the realities of the world he inhabited. In 1 Corinthians 7:4 he writes, “The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.” If a wife can never say no, then she has authority over neither her body nor his—he effectively controls both. That is not Christian mutuality; it is the pagan notion that a woman is property.
Men do not need sex on demand; they need emotional connection just as women do. But many have been trained to funnel nearly all emotional need into sex. Sex then becomes catharsis rather than connection, leaving women feeling used—and that feeling suffocates desire. Healthy relationships produce healthy sex lives. Sexual access alone has never made a relationship healthy.
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