Marriage is Hard

Complimentarian teaching says that the reason for conflict in marriage is that men and women are polar opposites. They're totally different, and you can't really understand each other. And then from that, you teach people, if you're having trouble in marriage, it's because of your expectations.

Don't you realize you should go to God for your needs? You can't rely on someone else to fill you up. That's God's job, and so if you're not happy, you need to go to God.

Then you tell people that, and maybe that helps them for a little bit. They start journaling, they start doing more devotions, they start trying to deal with the problems in their marriage. That may not work, so then they come out with this one:

Marriage is hard. God created marriage to make you holy not happy. Marriage is meant to refine you.

Don't you realize that marriage is supposed to be hard? And then people say, OK, well, I guess I just have to keep at it. And then maybe they go at it for a few more years, and then you throw this one at them.

You can't divorce no matter what, but don't worry because your reward is in heaven. So the more that you love this unlovable person, the more that you respect this unrespectable person, the more you're going to get a reward in heaven. And that's basically Christian marriage teaching in the evangelical church.

And those things don't work

When you lay it out that way, it sounds abusive.

-Sheila Gregoire